Umberto Eco was the kind of writer many aspire to become. Witty, pugnacious, ridiculously well-read, and generally up for anything, whether it was an ornately detailed conspiracy theory, heavily researched mystery novel, or punchy political essay.

Given that, he had a lot to tell other writers about their craft, even if he failed to follow his own advice. Here are a few of Eco’s rules for writing, delivered with tongue planted firmly in cheek:

• “A complete sentence should comprise.”
• “Avoid clichés: they’re like death warmed over.”
• “No plurale majestatis, please. We believe it pompous.”
• “Don’t write one-word sentences. Ever.”