America’s greatest aphorism factory since Ben Franklin, Mark Twain had a lot to say about a lot of things. Since he was a pretty efficient writer, supposedly averaging about 1,400 words a day, Twain thought a lot about the mechanics of his craft.

One of his most frequently quoted pieces of advice came in a letter where he argued for simplicity:

I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English – it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it: don’t let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it…

That’s where the quotation usually ends. But Twain goes on:

I don’t mean utterly, but kill most of them – then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart…

Keep it simple. Avoid excess description when you can. Get to the point. But avoid being too strict about it.

The English language is a lovely tangle of a garden. Don’t be scared of leaving the path and getting lost in the mess now and then.

Umberto Eco was the kind of writer many aspire to become. Witty, pugnacious, ridiculously well-read, and generally up for anything, whether it was an ornately detailed conspiracy theory, heavily researched mystery novel, or punchy political essay.

Given that, he had a lot to tell other writers about their craft, even if he failed to follow his own advice. Here are a few of Eco’s rules for writing, delivered with tongue planted firmly in cheek:

• “A complete sentence should comprise.”
• “Avoid clichés: they’re like death warmed over.”
• “No plurale majestatis, please. We believe it pompous.”
• “Don’t write one-word sentences. Ever.”